Im not form london you know

Finally an update!

2007-10-22T06:25:10Z

Good morning fellow LJ-ers.

Well I have managed to find a spare minute in which I can justify updating this damned thing.

So, firstly......Im not dead. Nor have I fallen off the face of the earth.

What have I ben up too??
Well I have moved and all is well. My room is all good and grovey and I have a Highsleeper bed *Grin* had wanted on since I was small and now Ihave one so I can tick that off the list......none too god for shagging in though, makes you feel a bit sea-sick so its going to have to be bolted to the wall.
The company I have been working for have been taken over which has ment a change in my working day. Not impressed and I am looking to change but I have a plan. Rather than just buggering off and ending up with MORE temping work on my CV, I am sdtaying there untill someone makes me a better offere and offers me something fantastic! Ie, Teaching in a college.

Family, well no change there really. My sister has been off the booze for a number of weeks and her arse-hole of an ex is still, well being an arse-hole.
We are all getting rather tired of it to be honest but its just the way the cookie crumbles.

Alex and I are still together and doing really well *bounce* I have no idea what the future holds but Im happy being with him at the moment. No it hasnt been palin sailing but we are still here and happier than ever so there must be something in it :)

Ratties are still being ratties and the Chillibear is still a grupmy witch but I love her anyway. I bought her a wheel at the weekend having had to order it as I couldnt get one anywhere and it cose £20!!! the bitch hasnt even tryed it yet! *grumble*

General health and well being..........am ok, still haveing fun and games with lady things and I am keepign the weight off *YAY* off to the doctors this morning to seee if they can do anthing to make me less tired or at least get to the bottom of it.

Little B is still on the road and I am still convinced that she is indistructable!! I love my little B :)

Got loads of work on and jobs to do and Xmas pressys to make and friends to support so spare time is non existant so if im not here for a while and you fancy a natter, email me or call.

keep doing what you do best!

TTFN

XXX

bennyabennya @ 2007-04-30T12:38:00

2007-04-30T11:43:58Z

Good Day All.....

Sorry havent been reading anything for a while as I am mad busy at the moment!

Just a quick one.....

Its my birthday on friday so I will be having drinkies in Birmingham on thursday night at the Red Lion in Kings Heath......in stagaring distance of where my bed is.....
Friday Im having a Curry In Burton (home town) If you want to come you can but I cant put you up anywhere.....sorry :( The train station isnt far from the curry house though so let me know numbers if you are coming. Oh and there will be more Beer in Burton after the Curry.

Saturday I will be feeling quite unwell and trying to remember who I am.

Hope some of you can make it!!

bennyabennya @ 2007-04-04T08:18:00

2007-04-04T08:23:24Z

Love life going well....am happy.

Teaching today....feel like shit

Nearly lost toung piercing yesterday and had to stretch the hole with the biggest safety pin in the world.....not doing that again! so I have a sore swolen toung to match my sore swolen toung.

Generally feeling unimpressed tody but I have managed to wangle a prep dat tomorrow and have it at home albeit on call.

At least I can have a bit of a lie in and get my jobs done before My Lord and Master arrives tomorrow night and hopefully I will feel loads better for it.

Tonight I will go for my walk and have a long soak in the bath followed by a relitivly early night followed by a hopefully late morning.

Have a good day y'all

XX

Serenity is found in the strangest of places

2007-03-13T09:58:55Z

As the Mad Welsh one pointed out last night I am indeed a fickle creature. For many moons I have tryed different variations of relationships and with different types of people and found nothing but uncertanty and longing.
But, give me the *weirdest* relationship and I am happy, and not just any old kind of happy, happy as in swallowed the 'Little book of Calm' kind of happy. How long it will last I dont know, that is something I have no controle over but I know now why nothing else felt right or like it would be forever.

I am in controle yet I have given it to another, whole heartedly and without question.

In other news.....
The boiler broke this morning, I thought it was me being retarded and not know how to work the showere or something but apparantly it wasnt :) Yay!! bot boo at the same time.
I had a camping style wash with the aid of a plastic bowl and the kettle, the one down side was that my hair was so rediculous this morning even Mr Sasoon and his mighty straitners couldnt fix it so I now have my fringe pinned back like a chav. Not the best look admitedly but better then it was by far.

Not sure if I am being taken to Ceasars or having a night in on friday but either way I will be erm.....somewhat tied up. :)

xxxx

bennyabennya @ 2007-03-11T12:19:00

2007-03-11T12:31:22Z

well its sunday.....
So far this weekend I have......

Been to scarlet and had a wicked night completely sober and strait.
Met Alex at Scarlet, someone I knew form before and had a little play *grin*

Moved my Tetrus like room round, which involved dismanteling the bed and the desk and relaying carpet that had been botched....by who I have no idea but it is fixed now.
Had to get new network cable and splitter so I could extedn the cable so that it would reach where my pooter is now.

I have done lots of washing, cleaned out my animals, generally tidied and stuff.

I am now all lovely looking ready to meet Alex. I have been instructed to wear my hair up, a ribbon round my neck and skirt. Didnt have a short on but I have have picked out a nice one :)
See, arnt I good lol

When I get back I will have to do some proep for teaching tomorrow and make sure I know what Im on with but it will be fine.

I have taken a picture of myself with my new digital camera and as the boys agree, I look hot.

And yes yes I know I was ranting about men being rubbish and things but hell, if you dont ghet back on the horse after you fall off, you wont ever get back on.....that and I was told.....and as we all know I have a weekenss for a strongly worded sentence :)

I am a littel bit nervous but not as nervous as I would have though, probably because I know him from ages ago and the fact we were both sober.

Will let you know what happened later.

Ta tar!!

xx

bennyabennya @ 2007-03-09T16:23:00

2007-03-09T16:23:16Z

Today at work I have managed to do precisley squat.

I have been shifted and shunted from pillar to post and I have done nothing.

I am quite excited about going to Scarlet tonight with my friends and Im a little scared too :)

I have loads to do this weekend and I have to learn a new program too! bugger!!

Been looking into buying my own place some more and I have a long hard slog of saving ahead of me as I need to clear my overdraft. Im giving myself 6 months so dont expect to see me much if it is a money costing activity.

Very bored at work.

Im going to see if I can go home soon.

what have people got planned for the weekend?

bennyabennya @ 2007-03-09T16:19:00

2007-03-09T16:19:36Z

Crush this person!
Get your own ThisCrush.com CrushTag!

bennyabennya @ 2007-03-09T10:19:00

2007-03-09T10:23:09Z

Scarlet is on tonight at DV8 and I am going wiht my firends so it anyone is about and fancies poping down go ahead :)

bennyabennya @ 2007-03-07T11:56:00

2007-03-07T20:10:59Z

Well Hello all.

Bit of a self indulgent rant so feel free not to read it.

Once again I have been blown out buy a guy.

As ever the comments were......You are amazing, funny, clever, beautiful........blah blah blah.

But im not sure Im right for you and Im not sure im in the right place to have a relationship.......

I would hate to lose you as a friend though because you are awsome.....can we be friends please??

Its always the same!!

If Im that fucking amazing why does no one want to keep me?

I dont fucking know, it makes me wonder what is wrong with me. How the bollox can this keep happening?

So any way, Im looking at buying my own flat and I am going to go to the next installment of the Fuzz application and see what happens there.

Last appointment at the hospital tomorrow and I am catching up with friends as well.

Work is going well and I am gettting good at my job although Im not sure it will keep me busy for the rest of my life and there is no pension scheem or anything.

Flipin Ek!! AM I good or what !!!

2007-02-23T16:43:59Z

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#CCCCCC" align=center><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'><b>Your Vocabulary Score: A</b></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/howsyourvocabularyquiz/vocab.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center><font color="#000000">
Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary!
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bennyabennya @ 2007-02-22T05:13:00

2007-02-22T13:20:57Z

Joy!

I have been sent home from work for the 2nd day running as they have no where to put me to prep! Nice.

So Im currently sitting being cold at home trying to get back into work........and its not happening.

Im going to get a cup of tea and see what I can get sorted. I know that once I get going I will be ok and I will know what I have to look at.

Right off I go......

C'Mon!!

2007-02-14T13:02:37Z

Well a happy Valentines day to you all!

And not because it is the mushy day in the year but because it is MY SAINTS DAY!!!

Yes you read right, It is the day of my Patron Saint.

And even though I posted that fact earlier none of you seem to have remembered so Fooey to you!!!

On the other hand and I say this every year.......

Valentines cards form people who dont sign stuff is wrong! Its just a license to stalk people......How, if they havent told you their address do you get it there for instance? Look on the electoral role? Drive to their house and poste it by hand? Send it to thier work?? OH MY GOD ISNT THAT JUST STALKING AND REALY WRONG!!!!

The whole mystery card thing freaks me out and is bad and wrong. Dont do it. If you are going to take the time to buy a card put your sodding name on it and have some balls.

Ok Rant done.

And No, I dont think I didm get any this year.....just like most other years that I havent been with anyone.........BECAUSE ITS NOT RIGHT!!!!

Teaching is going well today :)

DS9 related muse......

2007-02-12T15:25:57Z

As insited by 303factory......

Why does no one propperly nob DAX? is is cos she was once a man....kind of?? I mean, Jadzia knows what Curzon knew and therfore I wonder if the DAX they share ever compaires Curzons antics to the men that Jadzia beds??? Now theres an episode if Iever I heard one!

Come on people! what do you recon, do you think that what Jadzia is getting a good seeing to that she has a little voice in her head telling here that they would have done it differently??

OR!!

It could be like the voice of god, an omniprescence!! talking dirty to her while she gets he jollies with a mere mortal.....well, genetically enhanced human by the name of Bashier.
and wasnt he a funny looking fellow? all bandy and thin. Not for me, nooooooooo.

And as its nearly Valentines day.......just imagin Warf turning up at your door with a bunch of roses, a box of thorntons and a shiney new Batleth!! YAY!!! keep the flowers and the chocolates and give me the pointy sharp things!!

bennyabennya @ 2007-02-12T09:52:00

2007-02-12T10:59:41Z

Crap.

That pretty mych sums it up.

I have had to cancel all planned activities untill further notice.

But I do have a brand new computer and she is beautiful. Are you still jellous Mr Wizzard??

It has lots of long named things in it at made my housemate very excited. Personally I dont understand what they are. All I know is that it looks pretty and it has awsome graphics and is quicker than a shithouse rat up a drainpipe if you will excuse the Newhall-ism.
She pleases me for she is awsome.

My one consession to leaving the house instead of working is to go and Join Fat club at the top of my road again. I have gained 8lb in the last 3 months sebatical after having my boobs reduced and quite franckly Im not having it. That and I need to get out more and do somethign that is just for me. may as well be that for now.

Planns for tonight.....Fat club and working on Access

Another great tune of the EMO variety.....I never though I would be admitting to that one!!!!

2007-02-09T14:37:32Z

LimpBizkit - behind blue-eyes

"No one know's what its like to be the bad man, to be the sad man. Behind blue eyes....
And no one knows what its like to be hated to be faited to telling only lies.

But my dreams they arnt as empty as my concious seems to be.
I have hours only lonley my lovers vengence thats never free.....

No one knows what its likes to feel theses fellings like I do, and I blame you.
No one bites back his heart on thier anger none of my pain can show through.

But my dreams.............

No one knows what its like to be mistreated, to be defeated Behind Blue eyes
And no on knows how to say that they are sorry and dont worry Im not telling lies.

No one know's what its like to be the bad man, to be the sad man. Behind blue eyes"

Followed By.........BENNY BENASSIE!!!! Its a good job I dont DJ for a living, there would be some seriously twisted people out there! Dear god!! I love it!!

*ROAR!!*

DIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirty........Mmmmmm Hard Dirty Phat Baseliness!! designed for spinning dancing and well you know the rest *Leaps round empty classroom shaking my ass*

FUCKING AWSOME!!!

2007-02-09T14:09:37Z

Avenged Sevenfold - an awsome track! Pianist and Vocalist

I had sooooooo forgotten this track.....

"I give my heart to you, I give my heart 'cause nothing can compair in this world to you....."

Loving it!!

".....your unconditional love was always on my mind.............."

Makes me want to sing at the top of my voice!

Oh whats next *BOUNCE*

Nightwish - Moondance.........Hmmm not in the mood for that.

CRANBERIES - Been a eon since I heard them, break out the Dr Martins and the long floral dresses that are slighly to big and your grandads ganzie!!!

bennyabennya @ 2007-02-09T13:23:00

2007-02-09T13:45:44Z

I love blueberries!!! Yummy!!!

I have just had Ministronie soup, a wholemeal role, a box of cherrie tomatoes and a box of bluberries and Im absolutly stuffed! it was worth it though *rubbs belly and looks for a warm place to curl up and sleep*

Its still Snowing here in Brum but it would appear that it is too wet to settle. Glad I bought my wellies!!

I have just had my sisters Ex on the phone wanting to know things. Once again he is playing the twat, unfortunatly I am the one that has to face him while everyone else ,makes the decissions in the back ground.

On the up side, I have just worked out how to get to the albums on my mp3 player. It is something that has both puzzled and angered me for the last year. All I can say is that its a good job Im pretty cos Im not that clever at times! IQ of 149?? Im sure that they must have gotten that wrong some how! I suppose that it didnt help with my chinchilla eating the instructions before I had had a chance to read them.

I have listened to PJ Harvey, Skunk Anansi, Adam and the Ants, Beth Orton, Crash Test Dummys, 1940's swing, Ska, James - Laid *listen to the words and work it out for yourself.....the chorous not the bit about her being a nutter*
Ahh lots of joy, who knows what I will find on here next!!
I think I put some Radiohead on it as well....havent heard that for ages, should be Pablo Honey and the Bends albums if Im lucky :)

Little known fact.......I can play some Radiohead tunes on the Guitar. I learned at Art college. I can also read TAB and Sheet music and I used to play the Piano although I am a little rusty now. See me be cultured and intlegent......IM good with Foreign languages too, I can spell in all the ones I can speak some of even though I cant spell for toffe in English.
Maybe Im not stupid after all?

Does that mean I cant be pretty if Im clever?

I know I can be pretty and a nerd which Im told is a bonus....does that mean most nerdy girls are mingers?

I want butterflies and snowflakes.......Ooohhhh what about butterflly shaped snowflakes!! Eeeeeeeee what if Butterflys were made of snow and the patterns in thier wings were like the ones you get when you magnify a snowflake and see the patturns that the ice particles make, but bigger!! they would be pretty!! But it would be sad if they melted. You would be able to catch them on your toung like snowflakes but that would be like eating them and eating butterflys is wrong.

Im going now. My brain seems to have gone off on one without me......*dashes off and chases brain*

Thoughts like fireflys dance in my head

2007-02-09T10:43:03Z

Visited a friend last night and had a lovely meal cooked for me, they stroked my hair too which was lovely *beam* not in any other way than any friend would do if they knew you found it comforting, I lay there for about an hour and completely zoned out.....nearly found my way to sub -space which would have been awsome and much needed but not the right kind of hair stroking for that, close enough though :)

I am off home to my folkes house this weekend to do another stint of baby/sister sitting. I was hoping to go tonight but Ihave way too much stuff to sort out and I dont like leaving my animals for more than one night without being let out. So we are going to have some fluffy time and I will get some jobs done so I have less to do on sunday when I come home.

I have got alot to do when Im there but I will be looking after a two year old and a nine year old and a 30 year old so I kind of have my work cut out for me.

So many thoughts and images dancing in my head!

Ohh, I got a letter today to say that I have gotten into to first part of the application process for the police force. I am quite happy where I am but its nice to know that I would have made the cut :)
I should have been going for further assessment in May so I am going to make sure that I get through My 3 month probationary preiod here first then I will let them know what im doing. I should know about where I am in March and I will get nearly a 3k pay rise then too :) BONUS!!!

Next weekend I should have my friend Mick coming up from Guildford to visit. I havnt seen him in about 3 years! Im looking forward to it but its a bit scary too.

I need the weather to warm up again so I can start spinning properly again and learn some new moves and I need my belly button piercing to heal so I can start with my hoolahoop again......I need to be doing fire-hoops by June or July.

I am very hungry today. Dont know why. Not sure what I want to eat either which is never a good thing.

March I am going to have everything in hand and on its way to being sorted!

I am going to go and pick up the other piece of exercise equipment from the old house soon too so I can really start back into the training. Its too cold to be about learing to run and I would probably fall on my arse. BUT I have promissed myself a Princess Leia outfit for my birthday and damnd me I am going to have the figure to pull it off especailly as I now have little boobs!!

Found a quite disturbing picture of me in about 2002 and I was really fat!! to the point that I didnt know who it was initially. Isnt that terible!!

Oh and Guys.......Keep the 4th of May free its a friday.

Its my Birthday and I am planning a Starwars themed party...........MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!!!!

*that is actually me birthday as well *bounce*

Im not sure if I will be hiring a field and a marque or just having an evening do but I will let you know as soon as I know.........JUST KEEP IT FREE!!!

Good old Russel

2007-02-08T13:48:52Z

Friends make big assurances and you are right to suspect they won't be able to fulfil their promises. Well meaning people could cause you some anxiety when their ideas and projections are more linked to fiction than fact! Contact with foreigners or those in distant places will give you little satisfaction. Too many ifs and buts make it so you don't know where you are or what you're doing from one moment to the next.

bennyabennya @ 2007-02-06T17:15:00

2007-02-06T17:18:31Z

CDR wont burn wor for me to take home and remote access is DENIED!!!!

Oh well, Im going home now.

I will not be beaten but I may have to squeeze all of me in the bath for quite some time while I come up with a plan of action.

bennyabennya @ 2007-02-06T14:46:00

2007-02-06T14:52:48Z

Ok, so I havent got a clue about the program that I am ment to be prepping but see how good I am with word and importing stuff so it looks like I have been working!

GET IN!!!

At least I know that something Im teaching actually works in practice :/

Crap!

2007-02-06T13:26:12Z

Forget what I said.

I have had enough, I cant cope.

Im at work, I want to come home, I cant do my job.

Just looked at my collegues prep and by comparrison Im retarded. I dont know the programs, I dont know what Im ment to be doing for the prep, I cant access the teaching files.

What can I do?

I will not quit my job.

I cant tell my family to fuck off.

I dont have enough hours in the day.

Fuck it.

Its all wank.

bennyabennya @ 2007-02-06T10:13:00

2007-02-06T10:37:59Z

Well today is a differnt day and aparantly that makes everything different.

I suppose it does in a way.

I have managed to be a little more proactive today, so far I have changed the address on my bank account so I am now officially moved over to Birmingham *Yay* and I have started the ball rolling to giggle about my finances so I can get back on an even keel without it costing me loads of interest, am keeping y fingers crossed on that to all go to plan.

After much squeeling at the infecter navel piercing that I am currently adorned with.....squeeking due to vase quantities of neat alcohol being applied and dragged through what is effectivly an open wound..........it would appear *touch wood* that I have managed to subdue the infection slightly and it is looking alot better than it did last night whan all maner of unphgah and mishivah was coming out of it.

I have spotted some kijboxing / ninja fighty classes at the top of the road too so I may go and see what that is all about. Im not keen on violence and I will probably just curl up and cry but if they have something that involves fighting with wepons then Im really up for that! Yay for fighty sticks!!!

On a blue note, the events of the last few weeks have taken there tole and my relationship with food is shakey again. However, I am awaire of this and I am using my obsessive compulsive nature to counteract the desire to take controle by starving.......
Thank God for weight watchers!! The way it break down is this: I get upset I dont eat, I lose weight and people notice, then I panic and stuff myself, then I end up poorly.
To counter act this.........I have a bit of a thing with numbers, I have to say rhymes when I walk over grates of three and things like that.........
I give food numbers and using the weight watchers plan with the county numbers I can overide the desire not to eat with the stronger desire to make the numbers work. And I still get to shift a few pounds in the process in a nice healthy way and people cant get upset by me not eating blah blah blah.
Oh and I have to write everything I eat down too so the majour issues of the OCD are covered and when I get back on an even keel, I will be nice and slim and all the obvious traits of a stressed Me will faid back to their normal level that can be explained away by me just being a bit odd, like eating by food groups.
There how proactive is that!! I have identified the problem, identified the issues that go with it and made a plan!!

I havent had a fag since the one I had on friday and I havent had one since the middle of January befor that so I think im doing quite well and Im not on the patches anymore either, all good!

Right better get on with some work.

EEK dear lord NO!

2007-02-05T16:27:41Z

I have just realised it is February.......one of the Perrils of being a drunkard you know. Things happen when your not looking then you have a moment of sobriety and Poof there is a whole load of stuff to deal with.

Right February contains one of the most acursed days of the year.......VALENTINES DAY *shudder* It is my day of saints if any of you care so please feel free to impart gifts of religous tat, the cheesier the better, it is also an over comertialised event to make single and ugly feel depressed and low and like the scum of the earth.

So, Who fancies going for a drink? All us sad lonley people going for a few bevvies getting a bit merry?

Let me know what you think.

xxx

Introspective after a weekend of.............erm idosity?

2007-02-05T10:24:45Z

This weekend I spent mostly pissed or eating.

I managed to convice myself things were a good idea when BLATANTLY THEY WERNT!!!

Apparantly I got my breasts out in the middle of a party and I have no recolection of it.

All in all, if you can remember all the times that I have been very badly behaved and role them into one, then you have this weekend......actualy no. That isnt true. For those of you who shall remain nameless that know the reason why I moved out of my last house.......I WAS NO WHERE NEAR THAT BAD.......

Ok, I went to a works do and got cunted, then I wnt to a house party, apparantly lept on some poor unsuspecting male......I was convinced it was the other way round but other parties assure me it wasnt......I played with a dog, talked to a sleeping man in a cupboard, got my boobs out in the middle of said party, and then failed miserably to resist my Kryptonite which we have since discovered is a stongly worded sentence.
Said sentence resulted in me skipping out the door shoeless, bag less and CLUE-LESS with aformentioned unsuspecting male who by this point I am sure had a bit more of a clue.
I woke up in the wrong house with the wrong person, ie, not my frined I was expecting to wake up with but the unsuspecting male.
I would at this point like to say that we both woke up mostly dressed and there were no shinanigans!!! Contrary to popular belief.
I may be a bit of a handfull and an exhibitionist but I maintain that I am not a slag. Missguided yes, slag no.

Went for a lovely lunch where I spent most of the time being amused by the conversation *read as heated debate* between J, M & M (you know who you are) while happily being all submissive and curled up on my new housemates knee :) My new housemate would be Craig....for those of you that do nt know I am now living with Mr Lee, Craig and Hoops and it is much fun :)

After lunch we went to watch the Rugby which was followed by lots of drinking and chinese, at which time I feel asleep on the floor and was apparanly snoring.....some say doig that cute little girl snoring that only women can do, others are in agreement that is was probably more along the lines of a happy piggie hunting truffles.

Sunday I cleaned and the boys went to the pub for sunday dinner......I resisted several strongly worded sentences, only because I was sober enough to be stubourn!

All in all it was a top weekend spent in fine company and with much laughter and film goodness.

However, I think as there is no one to do it for me, I need to take myself in hand as I am getting a bit too drunk and being a bit too silly. I think it is just because I am dealing with so much for so many people at the moment, I need to have someone take charge of me to give me a break. As there is no one to do that I am just getting cunted and throwing responsibility to the wind as and when I can. Not a personality trait I like at all.

Possibly the reason that I wasnt given the information about the weekend that some of my friends are having in wales. I had heard rumblings about it and it slipped my mind to ask what with my sister and all. Kind of hurts that no one thought to ask me though, or even notice when the booking was made that I wasnt included and find out why I wasnt coming. If I have been that bad I would rather people tell me that they are doing these things and that they dont want me there because they dont want to have to deal with me being wrecked and thoughtless rather than just be pushed out and not know why. I may have it all wrong and I know that people have been busy but that dosnt stop it hurting.

I only drank so Im not having a comedown.

I have that much to do and be responsible for, I just want someone to hold my hand and give me a cuddle when I need one (fantastic housemate dealing with the cuddle bit)so when I get the chance to let my hair down I do and Im not proud of the fact I get that wasted, amused amittedly by my antics, but not proud. That isnt who I am.

Just feeling a bit sad and isolated today. Need to regain some controle of my life and make it my own.

Hmmm nothing like having an alcoholic sister for whom you are picking up the pieces to make you feel guilyt about drinking yet understand why she did it.

What a nice place to be on a Monday morning.

Am planning on going climbing as a way to cheer myself up at some point this week if any one is interested in coming with and irresponsible drunkard?